Loving Mr Spock by Barbara Jacobs, Chapter Negotiating Relationships with Aspergers

This chapter contains some useful points which would be helpful in most relationships let alone those with Aspergers. Here are some that I thought useful and I have paraphrased and shortened them accordingly.

Do...

• Give clear unequivecal messages, whether these are instructions, information or requests.
• Be prepared to allow time for these messages to sink in.
• Choose the right time and place for communicating.
• Start sentences with 'I' rather than 'You' as it can interpreted as blame if you start with 'You'.
• Make lists, write things down,... as well as talk.
• Explain things using analogies and past experiences/knowledge.
• Announce changes in advance to give time for adaptation.
• Explain the rules of each social occasion.
• Allow space and time alone for personal hobbies.
• Keep yourself busy with your own life, family, friends and leisure.
• Be logical during an argument.
• Ask for hugs and intimacy when required.

Don't...

• Make assumptions that your partner understands the emotions you are trying to express.
• Overstress or overload the Asperger with love.
• Use conventional expressions like, "Look at me when I'm talking to you!", etc. They are meaningless and insulting to Aspergers.
• Expect any DIY or much help around the house.
• Be confrontational.
• Look for hidden agendas. Aspergers are literal.
• Drop subtle hints. Messages of this kind will not be understood.
• Expect conventional reassurance when you're down.
• Compel your Asperger partner to attend family and social functions.
• Give up trying. Aspergers are very loyal [and worth the effort].